If you’re nervous about sleeping with someone new, I feel you. In my limited experience, no matter how comfortable you are with your body, and no matter how considerate your sexual partners are, it can make you feel really vulnerable. That said, there are lots of ways to make it chill. Here’s 12 ways to enjoy first-time sex.
As a former advice columnist at the Museum of Sex and the founder of the Center for Erotic Intelligence who made the internal structure of the clitoris famous, sexologist Mal Harrison is undoubtedly capable of giving great sex advice. Yet it’s precisely because of these qualifications that she’s hesitant to make sweeping statements.
1. Do Yoga Or Go For A Walk Before Your Date
I get that this item doesn’t apply if the sex you’re having is totally spontaneous. However, if you’re going on a date, or if you and your friend have planned a chill hang that you think might possibly end in sex, I highly recommend you do some yoga or go for a walk beforehand. For me personally, walking helps calm any nervousness I might have, without wearing me out like a trip to the gym would. And the yoga? Well, you just never know how creative your partner might want to get with positions. In my experience, limbering up pre-sex just makes the whole night far more comfortable.
2. Wear Lingerie That You Feel Comfortable In
Honestly, this tip isn’t exclusive to having sex with someone new. This is basically just a good way to live your life, because if you feel good in what you’re wearing, it stands to reason that you’re going to feel more confident and relaxed overall. Unless you really like thongs and push-up bras (and if you do, that’s totally OK), then stick to lingerie that you feel both sexy and comfortable in.
3. Toss Some Mouthwash In Your Purse Before You Head Out
But I find that this tip is particularly applicable to having sex with someone new. Making out is just a lot more fun for everyone involved if your breath isn’t rancid. On top of that, if you’re sexy time turns into an adulthood sleepover, you’ll have a great way to deal with your morning breath
4. Be yourself and enjoy it
Whilst it can take some time to be fully open with someone sexually, this is a really good opportunity to communicate what turns you on and what doesn’t. So many people miss out on a fully expressive and varied sex life because they’re frightened of how their desires will be received. In the early stages of your newfound fun, don’t be afraid to experiment and ask for what you want, especially if it’s looking like a long-term partnership is on the horizon. Sex can be serious and meaningful and it can also be fun and frivolous – whichever it is for you, don’t forget to enjoy it.
5. Make Out First
I know, this one should be a given; but I also know that when you’re having sex with someone new, it can be hard not to rush through the pre-sex make out session, due to either anxiety or major horniness. But I’d urge you to slow down, and make out for as long as you can stand it. It’s relaxing, it should help you get wet, and unless your partner is a horrible kisser, it will only make things hotter.
6. Ask your partner what he or she likes
Communication is a huge part of satisfying sexual experiences. Ask your partner what feels good, what positions work for him or her and how they like to be touched. Let your partner be the center of attention sometimes. And then switch so you get your turn to be worshipped and pleased. Just remember, talk it through and listen. The best sex is sex that everyone enjoys.
Masturbation is a healthy, normal part of life and it is totally OK to keep on masturbating when you’re in a relationship. It keeps your nerve endings primed and ready for all other partnered activities. Studies even show that women who masturbate more often are more interested in partnered sex overall.
8. Do Whatever You Think Will Help You Relax
Hopefully, deploying the above tips already has you feeling super relaxed. In case they’re not enough to chill you out, though, listen to your body and do whatever you need to do to chill out. Whether that means focusing on your breathing or asking to stop for a rest, do you. Your partner should understand. If they don’t, then get out of there!
9. Give more oral sex
Oral sex, no matter how long you’ve been married, will be a huge part of a happy and healthy sex life. This goes both ways. You should be receiving just as often as you’re getting. Oral sex breeds closeness and intimacy. It helps us avoid the sex ruts we all dread. Don’t skip out on foreplay. Oral sex is the best!
10. Start Off Slowly
I understand how hot a quickie can be, but when you’re having sex with someone new, starting off slowly is usually the best bet. I mean, you guys need time to get used to each other’s bodies, styles, and preferences. So going hard and fast from the beginning will probably not be the ideal move for the both of you.
11. Your Partner’s
Of course you want your partner to orgasm, and that’s a good thing. But don’t feel bad if they just can’t get there. It doesn’t mean you’re bad at sex. It doesn’t mean they aren’t crazy into your body. It might mean they’re nervous, or they drank too much, but whatever the problem is, it’s probably got nothing to do with you.
12.Explore your partner’s erogenous zones
Every single person’s body is different. What one person likes, another may not. Take time to get to know where your body finds pleasure (other than his or her genitals). Stimulate the neck, inner thighs, backs of the thighs, and ears. There are likely multiple places that up the ante on sexual enjoyment. Have your partner lie back and relax while you have an adventure.